SAT Writing

Category - Improving Paragraphs

The Mongols: More than just Another Nomadic Tribe
Historians have been quick to portray pastoral nor nomadic groups as being dedicated to both agriculture and transitioning from one location to another. This is based on the needs of the people and the restraints of the land where the nomadic people were residing. For the most part, these pastoral groups were peaceful, sharing their skills and talents with those around them. Their focus was not on conquering or defeating those around them. The Mongols are represented quite differently in history books. The Mongol people refute the stereotypical nomadic tribes in that they were not farmers, did not contribute the typical products of other civilizations, did not restrict the power of women, and were focused on dominating others.
When one hears the word “nomad”, it is almost synonymous with agriculture and farming, but for the Mongols this was untrue. Rather than focusing their lives around farming and the relocating that this entailed, the Mongols worked to domesticate animals. Comparatively, this creates immense contrast between what historians have portrayed about nomadic groups and the Mongols.
In addition to the absence of farming, Mongols did not focus on elaborate designs. Whereas other cultures were working to build impressive cities that gained prestige and captivated spectators, the Mongols did not use their talents to complete such displays. Perhaps, instead of focusing efforts on leaving a legacy, the Mongols were focused on utilizing the talents of their entire population.
Most nomadic tribes were unwilling to denote equality between men and women; this is not true of the Mongols. For them, women were an invaluable part of the community. Agricultural civilizations viewed women as highly restricted, yet the Mongols allowed women to maintain a higher status in society, even serving as partisan mentors and being vocal in military matters. Another huge contrast was a woman’s ability to start divorce proceedings.
The comparisons make clear that the Mongols were not just another nomadic tribe. While the Mongols were certainly focused on survival, they were also interested in spreading their influence worldwide. The typical peacefulness ended with the Mongols in pursuit of world dominance. The Great Wall of China was built because of the Mongols.
In brief, the Mongols were not typical pastoral people. They replaced farming with herding animals and exchange a cultural imprint for an attempt at world dominance; furthermore, they appreciated the contributions of males and females alike. Clearly, history’s representation of nomadic people is atypical for the Mongols, who were more than just another pastoral tribe.
Which of the following sentences should be deleted from the fifth paragraph?
  1. The comparisons are vast; the Mongols were not just another nomadic tribe.
  2. While the Mongols were certainly focused on survival, they were also interested in spreading their influence worldwide.
  3. The typical peacefulness ended with the Mongols in their pursuit of world dominance.
  4. The Great Wall of China was built because of the Mongols.
Explanation
Answer: D - The Great Wall of China was built because of the Mongols. The fifth paragraph was written to summarize just how different the Mongols were from other tribes. While this sentence is an important fact, it does not fit the main idea found in the fifth paragraph.
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